|
|
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
|
|
|
Well. School's over. That was probably the most intense scholastic experience I've ever had.
For consistency, here are my grades:
Chemistry - A
Creative Writing - A
Biology (human sexuality) - A
Intermediate Algebra - A
First 4.0 since I was in fifth grade. I'm quite proud of that, though most of the credit goes to the fact that I took my classes with Kenneth, who has way better study habits than I do.
I got a new car a while ago, a 92 Suburban. I am the proud captain of a what is basically a barge. Still, it moves and is much, much nicer than the late eighties pickup I drove into flames.
I and my accomplices are going out to my mom's house in Berkeley this weekend to help clean out her house. Four years of awful, awful mess and junk needs to be toted out and disposed of. Fantaaastic. I am really looking forward to it. On the plus side, this means that I will probably be able to salvage some of my childhood belongings that have migrated into the dark recesses of the house.
We have a kitten we found on the side of the road. His name is Tiberius, apparently, because my roommate went and saw Star Trek and felt inspired. We've been bottle feeding him for a few weeks (mostly her, not me) and now he's up and about with his eyes open and his ears up. Yay, kitten!
My baby sister is very cute. She is now crawling and vocalizing non-stop, as well as biting the crap out of any limb that comes too near. Teething is not cute.
And, uh.
Well.
That concludes this update broadcast, please check back later to make sure the stress hasn't killed me.
(PS- I kick ass at Wii Trivial Pursuit.)
|
|
Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
|
|
|
I'm at a point in my life where I can stand up on this stool, survey the landscape around me, and make a noise of satisfaction.
Here is my room, in my house, in the place we pay rent for. Here are my light fixtures, powered by the money I pay for them.
Here is my dog, who keeps getting older while I'm not looking, sleeping in a ball on my fur covered futon.
Here is my pile of earrings, empty dorito bag, and goldfish swimming in circles. They are in their proper places, doing their proper things.
In the other room, our towels are folded neatly on a shelf in the hallway underneath the circuit box, everyone's all mixed up.
And my chemistry test is on the table, and it has a pleasing number. And the magnetic poetry on the fridge narrates how much our stinky cat sucks, and said cat slumbers INSIDE of the blue felt wingback chair.
I won't feel this good about things tomorrow, but right now, I stand on my red felt bench and survey this landscape, and I feel pretty good about it.
|
|
Thursday, December 25th, 2008
|
| Time: | 9:43 pm. |
| Music: | Magnetic Fields, I Don't Believe You. |
|
Merry Christmas, folks.
I had a great early dinner with my grandparents and their friends. Drank spiked egg nog on the huuuuge deck in rural Lousiana watching the cows across the street freak out at nothing, eating turkey and battling extraordinarily outsized mosquitoes.
My grandma makes GREAT turkey.
I got to eat extremely southern food in an extremely southern potluck Christmas. Spent a lot of my evening talking guitar hero with an awesome ten year old with great taste in games (Who is giving me his old Nintendo 64 for christmas; score!). Also played with a beagle puppy while it's owners dueled with death riding ATV's shirtless and helmetless up and down the rough road. Oh, to be twelve again.
Got into a one-sided (aka- I didn't say anything, I swear!) argument about the non-existance of global warming and how logging is great with an old man named "Butch".
I spent yesterday reading "Where the Red Fern Grows" on a Mississippi beachfront watching rain clouds roll in while my grandparents and mom gambled in a huge Casino. My idea of a vacation. It made me sad to see all the broken up oak trees on the drive down the coast, though. Poor trees. Stupid hurricanes.
Rent is covered for January, so I'm less stressed out about that.
All in all, a lovely Christmas. Even if my grandmother does insist on putting creepy little fake feathered birds on the tree. In the spirit of Christmas, I will let zombie finches be her thing in peace.
So, good tidings, everyone.
|
|
Friday, December 19th, 2008
|
|
|
Greetings from New Orleans!
So, it's been a while. More than half a year, in fact. In that time...
1) I have a new baby sister, Olivia Simone. She's cute, a couple months old now. Holding her gave my biological clock a good wind-up. aww, babies!
2) I moved into my own place, rented with a couple friends. Second or third worst neighborhood in my city, but hey, what can college students afford? We also have a kitten :)
3)....
It's amazing how little can happen in this amount of time. I also got some goldfish?
I'm in New Orleans visiting my grandmother, who has a double-wide trailer here as her winter home (she lives in Northern Alberta, so if you dont like negative forty, its an investment worth making). Whoo, New Orleans!
I got my driver's license in July, and my truck burst into flames and died in October. FANTASTIC.
Well, Merry Christmas everyone, because god knows you wont hear an update from me before that.
( Baby! )
|
|
Saturday, March 8th, 2008
|
| Time: | 1:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  thoughtful. | | Music: | [The Strokes] Last Nite. |
|
It's been a while. I've missed you, livejournal. I don't know how I ever managed to cope without you.
What has happened since my last post? Lots!
My father got married on January 13th at the courthouse, and he and Jeanette are expecting the baby in September.
Meet my soon to be baby brother or sister, Ethan Shepard or Olivia Rowan McGowan. God, I still haven't wrapped my mind around that.
Beyond that, I got a new job yesterday as a writing tutor. Pays decently, and I don't need to wear pantyhose or a fifties nurse uniform, so it is a step up from See's Candy. Bonus: boy who got me the job is very adorable, and my roommates have been tormenting me endlessly about it.
Roommates! I have three new ones. Jeremiah shipped off to the Marines in December (and is actually back from basic training right now), and was replaced by Ben-the-awesome and Samantha-the-ridiculously-nice, along with Samantha's boyfriend Kenneth. We now have SEVEN official residents of The Purple House. It's... intense.
I got my DMV learner's permit, and drove Samantha's car the other day. Also intense, and incredibly fun! License and car soon to follow, since I do not want to drive a Ford Aerostar for longer than strictly necessary.
My mother got a job. This is incredibly good, and it means that my life and hers are swinging farther back to normal.
I'm taking Cultural Anthropology, Women's History, French, Algebra, and Human Sexuality at school.
THE END
PS: Art!
|
|
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
|
| Time: | 10:51 pm. |
| Mood: |  discontent. | | Music: | [The Beatles] Hey Jude. |
|
In an effort to keep everyone updated on my life, since I so rarely have the time to talk to people on a regular basis anymore, a post.
My dad's fiancee may be pregnant. She's going to take a test in a few days to check, but she's fairly certain.
Before this, I had a sort of bemused detachment from my father's life and doings. He's getting married to a nice lady with a dumb thirteen year old daughter (no offense meant; she's no dumber than I was at thirteen). He's moving in with her, getting hitched, and starting a new life. Good for him!
I never really thought about the fact that my father's life with impact my own, and the lives of people destined to be close to me.
So. I'm going to have a little brother or sister, nineteen years my junior. I'm going to be in my thirties by the time they are a "real person". They could be my son or daughter age-wise. For some reason, this bothers me.
My dad is the kind of man who loves babies. I had a very happy childhood with him and my mother. Unfortunately, both of them are terrible with any child over the age of twelve. I worry that when this child turns twelve, there will be no one to teach it the things it needs to know. Jeanette is a lovely woman, but her daughter is naive and rebellious in a way that could end up ruining an innately sweet girl. I don't want that for her or my maybe-baby sibling.
I'm going to be 32 with a fourteen year old sister or brother banging on my door, telling me all the things wrong about my father that I already knew, and all the things wrong about Jeanette that I don't.
God, it's not as if my father didn't already get fucking lucky having two vaguely well-adjusted kids survive to adulthood. He didn't need to procreate again.
Plus, this makes his life a little more tangled in mine. And the baby will get a share of my house in the trust. Damnit. A zygote might be taking $50 thousand dollars off of me.
Oh, and if I miss the chance, merry early-Christmas and happy Channukah.
|
|
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
|
| Time: | 1:06 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | [Clap Your Hands Say Yeah] Details of the War (on my mp3 player). |
|
I'm in the school computer lab at the moment, typing while I wait for my shift at See's Candy across the street to start. It's been a while since I've updated, so I thought I'd spend this incredibly idle time to blather mindlessly.
Jeremiah is shipping out for the Marines on the 10th. I'm sad to see him go, but these last few weeks, living with him has been difficult. His last hurrah has lasted for the last three weekends, and sporadic weekdays between those. It's become difficult to enter my kitchen for the beer bottles and piled dishes on mornings after a party. There is currently vomit drying between our two couches, untouched since it was deposited there Sunday night. I am on strike.
Once Jeremiah has moved all of his stuff back to his parents place and we bid him farewell until after basic training, Cabigas will be moving his stuff into Jeremiah's former (and much larger) room, and I will be moving downstairs into the library, leaving my room and Cabigas' open for our friends Ben and Samantha to move in.
Samantha has been in some pretty awful situations these last few weeks, and I honestly cannot think of a person who deserves this kind of crap less than she does. I can't say that it's not moving towards the better slowly, but right now I really just want to knock most of her family over the skull so she can get some peace for once.
In school, I am doing well. So far I have 3 As and a B, and I'm tentatively expecting at least two more As, possibly three if things go well in my math class. I got my economics midterm back today, and was not impressed with the score, but supposedly I can work my way back up with the final.
I wrote NaNo this year. It went well, though I am not finished. It is the most intricate (yet best flowing) novel I've ever written. It stretches from 1947 to 1998, so it's taking.... a very, very, long time to get down on paper considering all the research I'm having to do. (Mostly me calling my dad and asking him things like "What did college students in the 60s drive? What fighter planes did the Americans use in the first World War?")
I've been stressed out, but not unbearably. This life that I'm living now seems to be the kind that you can tolerate indefinitely. I'm pretty sure that this is how people end up getting stuck in Stockton for so long; it's uncomfortable, but not so bad that you are clawing at the walls.
Usually.
I have several major life events that should be noted:
1. My father is getting married. Her name is Jeanette, and she has a 13 year old daughter named Kaitlin, which makes it difficult when I am with her and Caitlin. I've taken to calling them "Big Caitlin" and "Little Caitlin". Jeremiah and Cabigas call my father Senor, so Jeanette is now Missus Senor, and Kaitlin is Little Missus Senor. This works for me as well. She seems like a nice lady and she bought me clothes, and I am easily bought. Kaitlin is a 13 year old psuedo-punk with a second degree blackbelt. She is still a zygote and lacks real personality, but has potential. My dad acts like a human being around them, so I have high hopes.
2. If I haven't mentioned it to you already, I've decided that I want to go to law school. This changes nothing in my plans to get a bachelors in social work except that I'm tacking grad school onto the end of it. What it does change is what I'm doing next year. Lacking the funding (even with financial aid and loans) to be comfortable going out of state next year, I am opting to take a social work internship with Jeanette (who is a social worker) in Ventura County near LA. Since it technically doesn't count as a break in school and pays $35,000 for the year, this seems a decent compromise. I'm upset that I am delaying some of the things in my life, but because I am taking 60 credits this year, it just means I will graduate on time instead of early, and with considerably less debt.
3. I work now. This is not such a big deal to anyone else, but let me tell you, it will be when it comes to be Christmas time. leave me your addresses people! All the comments are screened anyway, and I want to send cards and candy (For fuck's sake, I work in a candy store). If you are hesitating, that means that YES I want to send you a card.
I was going to post a picture of my new haircut at the end of this as seems to be my tradition, but my phone is wonky, so that won't go through. Suffice to say that it is so short it flips up at the sides and the back of my neck is cold :(
|
|
Monday, October 22nd, 2007
|
|
|
It's only recently I've come to regret my wanderlust. Only recently that I've realized that I can't always "just come back" at some other, unspecified time.
My mom is selling the house in Berkeley. No, that's not quite true. She's losing the house in Berkeley, and she might be able to sue them for some of that money because they're awful leeches. It might work; my dad's a decent lawyer. But the fact remains that the house in Berkeley isn't going to be ours anymore.
I spent two years lusting for that house. Living out here in Stockton at age 13, there was nothing more I wanted than to be away from my brother and father and living in a house where people left me alone and didn't hate me, and where my friends were always nice and needed me.
At age 18, I equally wanted to leave it. Without electricity, water, and the mom that raised me replaced by a neurotic mess, all I wanted to do was hide out in Stockton and let my mom, high school, and money cease to be problems. Three months later, it was only the high school that had resolved itself by my "accidental" dropping out. I never really thought of it as dropping out; just not being able to go for a while.
So I ended up back out here in Stockton. I'd worked so hard to abandon this place, but... it's almost not the same place when it's empty. I spent four months alone here, with a visit every couple weeks from Caitlin. She never invited me out with her friends, and I resented that for a while, until I met them and eventually realized why she was so cautious. But that alone time was what I needed; Nobody wanted anything from me.
I've slowly begun to think of Stockton as my "permanent address" that all of these forms ask me for. This house can't be sold, since my brother and I jointly own it. I spent the months before college started setting up this house as a comfort nest for myself, surrounding myself with people and solid plans.
There have been ups and downs. Cabigas, one of my roommates, is not really my friend, but we're both stuck here Stockton. Jeremiah is sweet, but angry and troubled and distant. Caitlin living here made it bearable, more than bearable.
Living with Caitlin is what's making me second guess my wanderlust, making me regret my itchy feet. I want to LEAVE. I want to go to Madison, Portland, Savannah, Edmonton... somewhere. But when Caitlin told me "When Patrick and I get married, I'm probably not going to see you much anymore", all my resolve drained away.
I've never had to deal with "not see you anymore". All my friends in Berkeley are still my friends despite my moving away. Hell, even my friend in England is still my friend despite her moving away. But if I move away from here, it will be goodbye to my friendship as I know it to a major part of my inner circle, someone who's been my sister (and soon to be my sister-in-law) for five years. Of her, Donna, Samantha, Josh, Claire... she's the only one I'd have to give up by leaving.
So, I'm torn. I am transfering next year to another university as a third year, a junior, because of how many credits I'm taking. I'll graduate before Caitlin, but at the same time as my brother. Will they get married before I come back? Will they be living together?
I'm biding my time. Thinking. Torn between my longing to be somewhere new, explore somewhere different, get a new start with new people, because I like what I have here. Who I have here. I'll miss having connecting rooms with Caitlin, and sleeping on her couch when my dad is here, or coming to Berkeley with her just to see a movie.
Hesitation is a killer, because unless I can convince her to come with me to university, I'll regret SOMETHING no matter what I do.
|
|
Monday, August 27th, 2007
|
| Time: | 5:26 pm. |
| Mood: |  Lethargic. | | Music: | [The Doors] Love Me Two Times. |
|
It's been a while, so, an update.
I started school last week. Exciting, no?
No is right. It's pretty boring, though you'd think with a workload as heavy as I have (24 credits/8 classes. 12 is full-time, for those of you who have no frame of reference).
For those interested, I should list my classes
( Classes, and all that jazz (life updates, roomie bitching) )
I've also lost five inches off my waist. That puts me in a more pleasant mood than I otherwise would have been. I think Jeremiah and Caitlin are getting fed up with my snarling.
|
|
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
|
| Time: | 5:52 pm. |
| Mood: |  chipper. |
|
It's been a while.
I don't often bother to write in this journal. I figure, why should I? I talk to people on a semi-regular basis. What record do I need to keep of my life that is so important to others that I would put it out in the world for them to see?
But now I figure, why not. It might be cathartic.
( Read more... )
But you know what? Despite all this, the future is still cheerful. I've got an international vacation to plan (at least in my head), jobs to interview for, and college to attend. It's not so bad.
|
|
|
http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_5727174
So, it's an article about two of the kids at the shelter I worked at (which closed for the season a couple of weeks ago).
Jose (Cuervo), is a jackass. He gave me so much trouble it's ridiculous. He taunted me, stole cigarettes, and played with his (obviously not allowed) pocket knife constantly. He came in one night so fucked up that Sunshine (my supervisor) had to talk him down from wandering out into the streets to find Creepy, his girlfriend, who was in San Francisco at a party at the time. Both of them did so much acid it's a wonder they could see straight.
Creepy gave me shit. She was bitchy and disrespectful and full of misplaced self-righteousness. She stole from the shelter without hesitation, and was brazen about pretty much everything she did wrong. I kicked her out for the night once or twice, and therefore Jose too, because she wouldn't leave without him. Once, she had to drag him out in nothing but his pj's because she wasn't willing to wait.
Still.
They were a couple of my favorites. Funny, smart, and willing to cheat at checkers and poker.
Good enough for me.
|
|
Saturday, April 14th, 2007
|
|
|
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Everyone knows that my life has traveled into the realm of the absurd and beyond. That's a given. How can a middle class family where both parents are working steady jobs manage to not have electricity and water for months on end? How can horrible things happen so consistently to us?
Well, there's more!
My mother has not received her last three checks because of (in order) they mailed the first to the wrong address, they lost the first and second in a storm in Omaha (as well as most other mail there at the central facility that day), and she was in and out of the hospital this month for a one-in-a-million condition, which meant the checks were waiting for her at the office.
Her boss had the checks, waiting for my mom to come into the office so they could both sign off on them. They missed each other, purely by chance on Tuesday and Wednesday.
My mom's boss was killed in a car accident on Thursday.
What. The. Fuck.
Welcome to month six of this chain of unfortunate events. Our bad luck is now killing people.
|
| Time: | 9:15 pm. |
| Mood: | cheerful. | | Music: | [the Clash] All The Young Punks. |
|
So, I never write in this journal. I'm sorry about that. My posts are frivolous and based on whimsy when I make them, so I shall try and make an effort to speak plainly about what is actually happening in my life.
So the Road of Never-ending Horrors, as I've started to call the trials and tribulations of my life, might finally be branching off into the Gurgling Brook of Happiness and Electricity.
My mom was in and out of the hospital all of this month. It got kind of serious at one point, but now she's recovered and again in good spirits. Tomorrow is what she is calling "the day of reckoning", where she storms her human resources department and plunders her last three checks from them on threat of death. Glorious day! Those checks will buy us water, electricity, and good spirits (the emotional kind, and maybe some of the kind that makes you drunk)!
I sent in my intent to register for San Francisco State University an hour or two ago.
This is a big step for me. I've been putting off making such steps since I dropped out of high school in February, but now I know that I've just been too much of a scaredy cat to do anything. So, this summer I am going to take classes, and hopefully that will mean that I get to go to university in the fall! If not, the spring!
I hung out with Caitlin today. We spoke of many things, I bought her dinner, and things are aaaa'ight. Tomorrow: Party central, circa my house!
(Also, as I mentioned to the source of this distress, why do I end up thinking guys are cute and then realizing that if you stood him next to my brother they could claim to be cousins with NO PROBLEM? I feel creepy, and Freud is cackling to himself in his grave)
|
|
Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
|
|
|
Wow. It's like the world knew it was my birthday next month, and put all these awesome concerts on that weekend/week. Electric Six, Placebo, The Decemberists, Sloan, The Shins...
I was ready to shell out my $200 of birthday money and have a blast. Seriously.
And then the world remembered that it HATES ME, and made Electric Six and Sloan 21+, and Placebo is sold out.
I feel like my bad luck has ruined Caitlin's day by denying her Electric Six D:
Still, my birthday is going to be rad. There will be concerts, sleeping in, awesome people and hopefully a house with electricity involved, one hopes.
|
|
Thursday, March 8th, 2007
|
|
|
You know, I'm starting to get a little bit worried. This is what, the third noticeable earthquake in as many weeks? Good lord.
Dear rest of the world;
Us Californians are preparing to break off from the US. The earthquakes will continue for another few weeks, and then sayonara!
We'll send you're regard to Hawaii,
California
|
|
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
|
| Time: | 11:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  HORRIFIED. | | Music: | [T Rex] Bang a Gong (Get It On). |
|
Wow. So I was going through my old files on my dad's computer (approx age 13-15), and man, the photos of me are like The Pantheon of Bad Hair.
In honor of my 13-15 year old self, here are some gems:
( Do you dare click? Donna, Caitlin, this might bring back 'nam-esque flashbacks )
Somebody comment and tell me I no longer look so stupid all the time D: And please ignore the myspace-esque style of photography, I was thirteen, I didn't know any better.
In fact, that's my excuse for this whole debacle. I DIDN'T KNOW, I SWEAR I THOUGHT I WAS COOL D:
|
|
|
I like how the only time I really freak out about being poor is when I lose cash that I had on me. Hundreds of dollars in a bank account gone? No problem. Forty bucks that made me think I could afford a cup of coffee? Watch the waterworks start up, people.
And because Donna did it and I thought, hell, why not, myself in the band Neutral Milk Hotel's Song Titles
Are you female or male: Communist Daughter
Describe yourself: My Dreamgirl Don't Exist
How do some people feel about you: She Did A Lot of Acid
How do you feel about yourself: A Love That Can't Be Sold
Describe an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend: Song Against Sex
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Someone Is Waiting
Describe where you want to be: Where You'll Find Me Now
Describe what you want to be: Oh Comely
Describe how you live: Candy Coated Dream
Describe how you love: Everything Is
Share a few words of wisdom: Life Is Neverending
|
|
Monday, February 26th, 2007
|
| Time: | 11:22 am. |
| Mood: | restless. | | Music: | [Beatles] Birthday. |
|
So, my house got broken into.
Did we build something on top of an ancient indian burial ground or something? Did we piss off someone with a gypsy curse they were just itching to use?
As if we didn't have enough shit going on that was horrible and unfortunate, now someone broke into our house and stole some of what little valuables we had left (mostly electronics). But what makes me feel worse is that they stole stuff from the friend that is staying with me. I feel like I offered somewhere safe to sleep and keep things, and I failed completely in the follow through of that. I don't blame him at all for looking for a new place, but if makes me feel terrible that he has to.
And here I am out in Stockton for the week. Fantastic.
I swear to god that every assumption I made abouthow my life was supposed to go this year is being systematically dismantled. I got kicked out of school (which I still haven't told my dad about), the money we were supposed to have was kept back so long that now I feel glad to have a fully charged cell phone, much less LIGHTS and SPENDING MONEY.
My plans for the future have completely spun out of orbit. I'm still going to college, I still want to be a social worker, but the path to get there just went from a typical jaunt through the fields to a trek across the yukon.
It also sucks that it seemed like now that I'm not going to school, my panic and anxiety had completely disappeared, like that was what was wrong in my life. It's back now.
Goddamnit.
|
|
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
|
| Time: | 11:37 am. |
| Music: | [Everclear. |
|
News from the toolshed!
I am surviving without the basics of life (Electricity, water, internet) just fine, and everything is going well. I am doing a million different volunteer things at any given moment (Squirrel babies find bras very comfortable nests, apparently), and I am actually pretty happy with things.
Gray is staying with us, which is really the foremost reason I feel bad that we're doing everything by dollar store candle light, but he seems pretty ok with sleeping on a couch in the coldest house in California.
Working for an insurance agent/qigong instructor has got to be the most mindnumbing job I could have ever gotten, but the hours are flexible and she makes us tea, so I'm dealing.
That's pretty much it, besides the fact that I've decided my tattoo is going to be of a vulcan magnolia.
So, what up with you guys?
|
|
|
